All in Good Time

"Patience is a virtue", "good things come to those who wait", "all in good time".

I think these are simultaneously the truest and most frustrating words. However, what does one do in the meantime? While time is at work? Be patient, I guess. But UGH, can't we just see the results already?

I am asking these questions as I have been feeling self-conscious about my Spanish skills recently. After a week cooped up in my apartment with minimal human interaction, I did not speak much with anyone last week. This lack of practice did not help my skills, nor my self confidence. Although I know that when learning a language, immersion and time are what help the most, my patience is lacking right now, resulting in some frustration.

This week was a slow one at the Mission, with only one visiting group. Leaving us Long Term Volunteers with a more flexible schedule as we didn't have to accompany visitors to activities and translate. Therefore, I spent one morning at Colegio Monseñor Gregorio Schaffer, the school here at the Mission. Upon entering the school, I was quickly approached by a group of girls who asked if I wanted to play "la lleva" AKA "tag". After I chased them around the courtyard for ten minutes, our friendship was solidified. They proceeded to lure me into their first-grade classroom after the bell rang.

The entrance of the Colegio.

Once in the classroom, I struggled a lot with understanding what the students were saying. A student would ask me a question, and almost every time, I had to ask them to repeat it. It was aggravating and a confidence killer. I love kids. And as someone who has been a camp counselor for many years, I consider myself to be good with kids. However, with my language skills and language confidence being down this week, I couldn't operate at my highest potential.

It's a strange feeling to be surrounded by three six-year-old girls who just made a joke that you don't understand. They're all laughing and looking at you as if you're in on their little joke, but in reality, you have no idea what they find to be so funny. I felt discouraged that morning. It's hard to know what I'm capable of, but not be able to achieve it because of my language capabilities.

For example, when I served in a first-grade classroom in the Bronx for a week my sophomore year at BC, I became so close with the students. I didn't have a language barrier in my way. I would ask the students about their favorite movies, we would read books together, and laugh all day. We formed great bonds. However, that morning, I just felt stuck. I wanted to bond with these students like I did with the kiddos in the Bronx.

Experiences like this one at the colegio have helped me to sympathize with those who move to the U.S. with little English. I am starting to understand what it's like to have thoughts, questions, and feelings that you want to express, but you simply cannot. So instead, you are forced to be a lesser version of yourself. There have certainly been instances in the U.S. where I have dismissed someone as reserved, when in reality it was likely the language barrier that made them appear that way. There have been times at the Mission where I am afraid people think that I'm quiet, when the reason I might come off this way is just because I am lacking the words I want to say.

Maybe this is all a bit pessimistic. I do feel like I am making small strides everyday. However, I am aware that I do still have a long way to go. I've been learning Spanish for many years, but this is the most I have ever been thrown into the language.

This saying "all in good time" came to me recently as I was reflecting on a period of my life when I was hearing those words a lot. This was a time when I was quite sad about a breakup and didn't have too much faith that the feeling would go away. But of course, my advisers were right in the end. Looking back on how I felt then, I can confidently say today that their words ring true. So I suppose my argument is that even though I have observed in the past that this advice is valid, at the same time it doesn't make the frustration I feel now too much easier.

Yes, good things come to those who wait, but the key is that we have to wait. I think that is the toughest pill to swallow. Ultimately I believe patience and grace will be my friend through all of this. Patience to trust the process. And grace to forgive myself for not being perfect from the get-go.

I hope that months down the road I will come back on here and write about how true my second blog post was and how much my Spanish has improved. Time really does work its magic, but we just need to ride it out.